learning kids...

Even though I have told my very intelligent 18-month-old daughter 100 times not to climb on the coffee table, she continues to do it, even though she understands when I say “NO!” I am very frustrated--is she being bad or am I expecting too much?

Children can understand "no" from a very early age...often by nine months. They figure it out by the tone of your voice and your facial expressions which essentially tell them, “I am not happy at all about what you are doing.” In general, childrens’ ability to understand what they hear (receptive communication) develops much sooner than their own ability to communicate by talking (expressive communication). However, while babies will often stop dead in their tracks when you tell them “NO!”, they do not yet have the capacity to exercise the self-control necessary to stop themselves from going for a desired object or engaging in an activity (such as climbing tables). Everything is so new and fun to explore! It is actually at your daughter’s age--around 18 months-- that toddlers begin to develop this capacity for self-control; but it is an ongoing process that develops over many months and varies with each child. By 2 ½ years most children can exert some self-control over their impulses. As you think about helping your child develop this capacity for self-control, it is important to be mindful of not just her age and stage of development, but also her temperament.